I’ve spent the majority of my life outnumbered.  Sure, there was a glorious 14 month window sandwiched between my birth and my younger brother’s.  But, I don’t remember being able to take advantage of it much.  My childhood memories mostly revolve around being harassed by two boys (one older, one younger) that never went away, like being pecked to death by a chicken.

I don’t know if my understanding of surrender originated from being outnumbered by my brothers, or if I really perfected it after my third child made me realize that the children in the home outnumbered the adults.  I just know I’ve always had this sense of never being in complete control of things, but trying desperately to be so anyway.

It’s for that very reason that I tend to do most of what I need done myself.  I know that truly, you can’t persuade another person do what you want them to.  In fact, you can’t even make them if they don’t want to.  But, you can certainly work your very life to the bone to get it done yourself.  Right?

Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, saw the same in him.  As the tribes of Israel grew to enormous proportions, Moses began losing control.  When disputes arose, they were brought to him.  I often wonder if that was something he enjoyed in the beginning, playing the role of peacemaker among his people.  But, over time, as the numbers of people increased, so did Moses’ demand.  He would spend entire days listening to the people’s problems.

When Jethro saw what was going on, he asked, “What are you really accomplishing here? Why are you trying to do all this alone while everyone stands around you from morning till evening?”

Moses replied, “Because the people come to me to get a ruling from God,” and explained all that was entailed.

As a mother, I often feel this way.  Like I’m doing everything on earth, while little people stand around from morning till evening.  Why don’t I just ask them to pitch in?  Why can’t I let them settle their own disputes? Why can’t I hide better so that they can’t find me?  Because.  They are coming to me for a ruling.  Without me, the fight will never end.  I’m the key to their peace and happiness, right?

It has taken me years as a referee in the battles of my children to learn that I can’t settle their disputes.  Just as Moses eventually had to farm out the “judge” role, I have to do the same.  I must not only pass some of the work off, but allow them to grow in their own role as “judge” so that as they age, they will make wiser choices born of experience. 

That’s tough to do.  Especially when you see them pecking at each other like rabid chickens.  But, I try.  I want to be the Jethro in their lives, making sure they are being fair to themselves, more than I want to be the judge.  Let’s face it; we all have PLENTY of those around.  Jethro’s, on the other hand, are a rare find.