It's not about me...it's not about me...it's not about me...

I have to keep reminding myself of that lately.  Apparently, I believe the world revolves around my every thought and action.  And...I really don't like that about myself.  But, try as I might, something in each day tends to send me on a whirlwind tour of my personal pity party. 

I pass someone in the hall that doesn't speak...why doesn't she like me anymore?
My kids won't kiss me when I beg them for a peck...do they not love me?
My husband is too quick to get off of the phone...why is my marriage such a mess?
My dog bites me and tries to shove me out of my own house while insisting that I hand over the car keys....ok, that didn't really happen.  But, I'm sure it's coming.  Quite the internal drama queen.

Though I handle stress well on the outside ( I get more accomplished, I'm able to control my emotions...), I sometimes am a mess on the inside.  At times I want to scream when one more thing is piled on my plate.  But I don't.  I calmly accept my drippings and add them to the pot. 

Not that I can't say no.  Actually, I can.  And I do.  Very often.  My problem is not saying no.  My problem is that I believe that I have superhuman strength and ability to accomplish a multitude of things at one time.  I am a superhero in my own mind.  I want to do it all.

My interests are so varied, that I literally want to try EVERYTHING.  A side of me that I really like at times, but the side that is most likely to get me into overload.

You see, I have the unending urge...much like a child finding a candy ladened Easter basket...I must try everything.  Every jelly bean flavor, every activity presented to me.  Until, at last, I am sick and beyond help.  I am overloaded and something must go.  Hopefully...not the Cadbury Eggs...they are my candy utopia.

And, why can't I have it all?

Because, you just can't.  There.   I said it.  You can not have it all, unless you want it all to fall apart.  You must choose what is most important to you.  You must focus.  FOCUS....

The best place to start that focus is on God.  What would He have me to do?  Is it really in His plan that I be involved in so many things, and am I making the kind of difference that I intend to make when I spread myself too thin?  If making a difference for Him is my priority, what must I let go of in order to be the most effective at His plans for me?

I have some thinking to do, and some jelly beans to toss.  What about you?